Tuesday, December 16, 2014

News IQ Test

Being the dutiful daughter that I am, I'm passing this along:

This is a terrific test. And it shows results in a number of ways. It surely indicates that the majority of Americans don't know what's going on. It's astonishing that so many people got less than half right. The results say that 80% of the (voting) public doesn't have a clue, and that's pretty scary. There are no tricks here -- just a simple test to see if you are current on your information. This is quite a good quiz and the results are somewhat shocking. Test your knowledge with the challenge of 13 questions, then be ready to shudder when you see how others did: 
Please pass it on!

Sunday, December 14, 2014

There'll be spell to pay later!

My dad sure loves to pass along these "St. Peter at the pearly gates" jokes! Here goes:

A woman arrived at the gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her: "Hello! How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."

When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.


The woman correctly spelled "l-o-v-e" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my new wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.


Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry....there will be SPELL to pay later!

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Japanese people take their calculators very seriously.

My dad recently sent out a link to this video with this commentary:

The Japanese culture seems to try to perfect their methods in whatever they do.  Usually, there's a ranking system to denote the proficiency of their skill level.  This is done in the martial arts, fine arts, and even the soroban (abacus).  Now, it's the calculator.  Must say, that girl has pretty fast fingers.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

New Virus--NO PRANK!

Wisdom often manifests itself in the form of sage advice:

With the holidays coming up and all the shipping of gifts, this may be very important to be aware of.....

New Virus--NO PRANK! This is worth passing along. With the holidays coming up, I can see where this could be a real problem. The newest virus circulating is the UPS/Fed Ex/USPS Delivery Failure.You will receive an e-mail from UPS, Fed Ex, or USPS along with a packet number.It will say that they were unable to deliver a package sent to you on such-and-such a date. It then asks you to print out the invoice copy attached. DON'T TRY TO PRINT THIS. IT LAUNCHES THE VIRUS! Pass this warning on to all your PC operators at work and home. This virus has caused Millions of dollars in damage in the past few days. Snopes confirms that it is real.


Thursday, November 13, 2014

Drought in California

My dad's emails sometimes turn to serious topics:


These are pretty dramatic photos. Slide your cursor across a photo to compare before & after.

Here are some pics of the CA Drought, one of Folsom and the rest Lake Oroville. And Shasta. The pix slide so you can see before and after (today). Scary.


Sunday, November 2, 2014

Kids see a typewriter for the first time

In this recent email blast, my dad somewhat dates himself:


Typewriters, slide rules are tools I learned to use and grew up with so it's not foreign to me. It's amusing to see the reaction to young kids seeing a typewriter for the first time and trying to figure out how it's used. Reminds me of some of those science fiction movies where an alien from an advanced civilization comes to earth and finds things that exist only in their museums.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Heaven and Hell

Here's how my dad encourages us all to vote:


While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the Senator. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven...". So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity." The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders. "I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted."

Vote wisely in November 2014!

Sunday, October 26, 2014


My dad really isn't into English literature -- I'm sure he passed this along for the humor:

Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians, figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is…surprising or unexpected.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
7. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put "DOCTOR."
11. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
12. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street...with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
13. Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
15. You do not need a parachute to skydive.  You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
16. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
17. There's a fine line between cuddling and...  holding someone down so they can't get away.
18. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
19. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
21. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
23. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


24. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but now it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Bubbles.... (Way too cool!)

 Amazing and beautiful.   Enjoy! 

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Spring is here

Spring really isn't here, but it's a good title for the picture my dad sent me.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

PSA: Drownings are silent

PSA = Public Service Announcement.

I learned at a Red Cross class the other day that drownings are silent. You see plenty of movies and TV shows where drowning victims are splashing about and yelling and making a lot of commotion. So, many people are under the impression they'll hear it if someone is having trouble in a pool. The reality is, drowning victims can't make any noise. They can't yell and won't be able to move to splash or do anything else after a very short amount of time.

I just heard from a neighbor a 2-year-old drowned yesterday in a nearby backyard pool. I felt like mentioning this, but also knew it would appear harsh if it got back to the mother that this was my reaction. So I'll post here instead. Just remember this: Drownings are silent. That sounds memorable, doesn't it? Please pass it along to as many people as you know. And act accordingly. Watch your kids closely when they're in a pool or at the beach. Don't expect a loud noise will tip you off if your kid (or any adult, for that matter) is in trouble.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Men In Heaven

This is my dad's most recent nugget of wisdom:

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, " I want the men to make two lines:

One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women.

I want all the women to report to St. Peter ".

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.

The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said to the long line, " You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household!

You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!

Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man,

"How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied,

"My wife told me to stand here."

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Public Service Announcement - Opt Out From Online Ads

I found this site as I was browsing around the net yesterday:


It allows you to opt-out of "interest based" or "online behavioral" advertising. Have you ever searched for something at a web site, and then for weeks afterwards, you see ads that feature the search results you clicked on? I once searched for the availability of a domain name at a registrar-I-won't-name and then for a month afterwards, I'd see ads from that registrar telling me my desired domain name was still available. It was very embarrassing, because my husband can see my computer screen just fine, and I never told him I was thinking of starting such a project. My browser told him before I ever got a chance to do so! This type of advertising is just creepy to begin with, and then it has to go and betray me like that!

The web app says it will take a few moments. It's not kidding. It will eventually come up with a list of 100+ advertisers that do interest-based advertising. You can pick and choose which you'd like to disable, or, you can do the easy thing and pick the Select All button. Click on Submit Your Choices, then be prepared to wait for a lot more moments. The process will place opt-out cookies on your computer for the advertisers you've selected. You'll need to visit this web page and complete the process on each device you use to access the Internet.

I've noticed one nice side effect on top of losing the spooky "I know what you searched for" ads. One particular site I visit often displays video ads that crash my browser on a regular basis. Now that I've done this, I haven't seen one video ad on that site. My browser is more stable now!

In The Forest

My dad likes to vacation in the High Sierras. I wonder if that's where he saw this sign. And, if it's why he likes to go there.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Missing wife

My dad's latest emailed joke follows. I think he got it from a British person.

A husband went to police station to file a report about his missing wife: 
Husband :-I lost my wife, she went shopping and has not returned.
Inspector:-What is her height ?        
Husband:-I'm not too sure.
Inspector:-Slim or heavy?
          Husband:-Not exactly slim.
Inspector:-Colour of eyes ? 
Husband:-Never noticed. 
Inspector:-Colour of hair ? 
Husband:-Changes according to season. 
Inspector:-What was she wearing? 
Husband :-Jeans/suit/I don't remember exactly 
Inspector:-Was she in a car? 
Inspector:-tell me the number, name and colour of the car ? 
Husband :-Black Audi A8 with super charged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tip-tronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.My new Custom fit golf clubs, Powacaddy electric trolley are in the boot..   (and then the husband started crying............)
Inspector:-Don't worry sir...We'll find your car.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

A letter from the Post Office

Here's a letter from the Post Office found in a email from my dad. Who knows if the story is actually true. It does sound cute, though.

A letter from the Post Office...
We don't know who replied, but there is a beautiful soul working in the dead letter office  department who understands LOVE..........................
Our 14-year-old dog Abbey died last month.
The day after she passed away my 4-year-old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey.
She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her.
I told her that I thought that we could, so she dictated these words:
Dear God,
Will you please take care of my dog?
Abbey died yesterday and is with you in heaven.
I miss her very much.
I 'm happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.
I hope you will play with her.
She likes to swim and play with balls.
I am sending a picture of her so when you see her you will know that she is my dog.
I really miss her.
Love, Meredith
We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey & Meredith,
addressed it to God/Heaven.
We put our return address on it.
Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she
said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven.
That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office.
A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet.
I told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, 'To Meredith' in an unfamiliar hand.
Meredith opened it.
Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies.'
Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope.
On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:

Dear Meredith,
Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help and I recognized her right away.
Abbey isn't sick anymore.
Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart.
Abbey loved being your dog.
Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in so I'm sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.
Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me.
What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.
I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much.
By the way, I'm easy to find.
I am wherever there is love.

Saturday, May 17, 2014

People Are Awesome 2013

My dad commented -- I wonder how many of these people are still alive!

My comment -- I think I've seen the fail for each of these stunts on Tosh.0.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Saying Grace

My dad said: You don't have to know Chinese to understand this.
I say: If only I could train my cats to do this!

Monday, May 5, 2014

Dogs vs. mail - this is one of the reasons why email was invented.

Thus reads the subject line on the latest YouTube video my dad has alerted me to.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

How is Norma?

I'm getting a lot of jokes from my dad lately. I guess it's better than the anti-government political stuff he sends me.

A sweet grandmother Telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked,
"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear.
What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, Norma Findlay, Room 302." 

The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check
with the nurse's station for that room." 

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well.
Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and
her Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow." 

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried.
God bless you for the good News." 

The operator replied,
"You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?" 

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me crap." 

Saturday, May 3, 2014

How men peel apples

My dad recently signed up for Facebook. I never thought he'd do it! Now he sends out Facebook links, too.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

IRS going after old debt

Usually I don't put too much stock into what Fox News says. They tend to sensationalize and dramatize their stories. But this email from my dad isn't the first I've heard of this happening. I've seen this reported in other reputable sources. So, I'll pass it along:

Subject: IRS going AFTER OLD DEBT
IRS going after decades-old debts from children of debtors ‘unbelievable,’
says Megyn Kelly April 12, 2014 by Michael Dorstewitz
The old maxim that you can’t hold children responsible for the sins of their parents no longer applies — at least as far as Washington is concerned.

Congress quietly passed legislation in 2011 lifting the former 10-year statute of limitations on money owed to the government, allowing Uncle Sam to collect debts going back decades. The measure also allows the government to collect from debtors’ children and grandchildren, according to Fox News.

Now, “some 400,000 Americans may see their tax refund checks grabbed by the government,” Fox reported.

Former Justice Department attorney J. Christian Adams called it “classic abuse” during his Friday appearance on “The Kelly File.”

“Imagine it,” he told Fox News Host Megyn Kelly. Instead of a refund check, “you get a letter from the IRS. And it says, ’40 years ago, your parents got a disability payment that we happened to overpay. … So now we’re taking it out of your tax refund.’”

Think it can’t happen in America? Think again. Fox also reported:

A woman named Mary Grice, whose father died when she was 4 years old in 1977, leaving her mother with five children. Thirty-seven years later, the Social Security administration is claiming that it overpaid someone in her family, but it isn’t sure whom, and is going after Ms. Grice for the alleged debt.

When Megyn Kelly asked Adams what the chances are of the government dropping the debt against Grice, Adams answered, “Zero.”

“This is an administration that loves to suspend laws when they’re inconvenient and not enforce certain laws,” Adams said. “Let’s see if they do it here.”

Fox News host Greta Van Susteren took up the Grace case in her “Off the Record” comment Friday.

In no uncertain terms, she said, the government “stole” $2,996 from Grice’s tax refund for the alleged Social Security overpayment 37 years ago. But it gets even better.

“Social Security told her [Grice], they had no records explaining the debt,” Van Susteren said, comparing the matter to the State Department’s “ho-hum” response to the discovery that it had lost $8 billion in funds while Hillary Clinton served as secretary of state.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

How to tell if you're Mom's favorite

Here's a pic from my dad where the subject line said everything:

Friday, April 25, 2014

Yep, Getting Older

Today I got some "elder humor" from my dad. The font and coloring is his. Enjoy!

An elderly gentleman.... Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect... Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!' 

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?' 

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..... Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure..' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast ?'

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 

'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Do I know her?'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty..'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

One more. . .!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Joking on the road

My parents are currently on a fishing vacation, but they did manage to find the time to send me this joke:

A man received the following text from his neighbor:  I am so sorry Bob.  I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.  I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.  In fact, more than you.  I'm not getting any connection at home, but that's no excuse.  I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn autocorrect software.  I meant "WIFI", not "wife".

Lifting the suspense

I just realized I never posted up my big win! I won a 2014 Ford Escape from Super 8 in their Facebook sweepstakes last summer! Here, I can prove it: